The Adventures of Captain Stripper Pants!
by Bad Writer xD
Summary: This is not what you think, it's only a collection of one-shots that all relate, but can be read alone xD   There will be lemons ... duh, one-shots! BUT there will be yaoi/yuri/het pairings :D PURE CRACK! xD


Me: Well … LOLZ I'm actually excited to write this time xD … or, er … type?

Naruto: Why?

Me: Lolz, I'm going to get to play with Sasuke's mind! BWUAHAHAHAHAH!

Sasuke: … Why terrorize me? I don't fear you, but the dobe secretly does.

Naruto: Uh … No I don't! … SASUKE YOU TEME! -cowers in fear-

Me: Really? -looks all innocent- … I'll keep that in mind, but right now I want to terrorize you xD … with SMUT!

Sasuke: Then it isn't terrorizing, it's giving me a gift :D

Tobi: When will Tobi get his? D:

Me: Tobi will get his soon, but right now … It's Captain Stripper Pants' time to shine! :D

Sasuke: Again with that name? Will NO ONE let me live that down? It wasn't like I had a choice in my clothing wear!

Itachi: Oh contrare little brother, you had all the power in the world to pick your clothing style, and you just had to disgrace the clan by dressing like a stripper, oh the shame!

Sasuke: … SHUT UP!

Me: LOLZ! Anyways, the thing about this story is … you'll just have to read it then; besides, this is just a collection of crack one-shots all weird and tying together a little xD

Naruto: Elena-Chan! Tell us now!

Me: Fine! Well … the first one-chot is … 13-year-old Sasuke travels to the future in another universe, to meet his 16-year-old self, with Naruto going to his older self too. From there he goes on this incredibly weird journey with bigger, slightly perverted-obsessive-and-in-desperate-need-of-a-lay, Sasuke to find Naruto, whom is on the run from SASUKE! So younger Naruto and Sasuke try to comprehend whats going on and on this epically weird journey … they learn that YAOI is GOOD, especially SASUNARU yaoi! It's just epic crap, but still … IT MAKES YOU SEE … that yaoi is LOVE and an obsessive Sasuke is just hilarious in "The Sasuke Zone" this is where the twilight zone theme music starts to play o. o … lolz! xD

Sasuke: … I don't see anything amusing about that.

Itachi: Don't worry, I do.

Tobi: Please read with caution, this may damage your eyes, or make your sides burst, Elena-Chan is going with neither.

Minato: Elena owns only some merchandice, but not the rights. Kishimoto owns that.

The Adventures of Captain Stripper Pants!  
You know the summary if you read the things above this, other than that … its just pure crack. AU people!  
The Sasuke Zone (cue Twilight Zone theme music)

"SASUKE!" Sasuke cursed under his breath as he quickened his pace, how is it that Naruto was still behind him? He'd sent the sound four to take care of the annoying idiot, and here he goes still coming at him, what the hell does that blonde idiot eat? He growled and ground his teeth together as he sprinted through the trees, the blonde slowly gaining on him.

"You'll never catch me alive!" came a voice out of no where and he could hear Naruto falter and fall off of the branch from the surprise of it. Sasuke skidded to a stop, watching as another ninja from Amegakure headed straight for him. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! You can't take it from me, I won't let you!" the strange ninja yelled as he went through hand signs so quickly that even the Sharingan couldn't copy the technique.

"What are you talking about? I'm trying to get away from these idiots, so you move it damn it!" Sasuke yelled as he headed straight for the ninja's path, Naruto once again on the pursuit of him. The ninja glared, but his jaw dropped at hearing Sasuke's answer.

"MOVE! I can't stop it!" he yelled frantically as a strange golden light appeared, heading straight for Sasuke. But it was too late, he got hit, and now he was floating in the air as the golden light surrounded his body.

"SASUKE!" Was the last thing he heard before everything froze for a minute, quickly turning back, all of the colors going away as blackness fought it back. Suddenly, Sasuke was alone in the darkness of the place where he was. He fought frantically with his body, trying to move and get out of the way, but it was useless; as if someone turned off the gravity.

A blindingly bright light appeared as the blackness receded. "What the hell is going on!" Sasuke growled out as he watched the whiteness take over the black world. Soon he heard the distinct sound of one thousand birds chirping all at once. "Oh shit." he jumped out of the way, mildly surprised that his body was able to move, before the chidori aimed at him could do any damage.

"What the hell, Kakashi! Where the hell is Naruto, what the hell is going on, where the hell am I? Answer me!" Sasuke yelled, growling when he could not open his eyes for some weird reason.

"Naruto?" came a husky voice, one that he could not recognize for the life of him, but felt it was one that he should know better than his own name. "Did you say … Naruto? … WHERE THE HELL IS THAT FUCKING DOBE? DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT I NEED HIM?" The voice yelled, startling Sasuke into opening his eyes to stare into the eyes of …

"What the hell? Kakashi, what type of sick joke is this, that's me!" Sasuke yelled, trying to see through the obvious genjutsu cast upon him. "I swear, when I get my hands on you and Naruto, I am going to kill you both." he growled, forming the sign for "release". Nothing happened, and the older Sasuke just stared at him as if he'd gone crazy.

"Suigetsu! What the hell is the meaning of this? Why did you make a mini-me!" Older Sasuke yelled, glaring at the younger as he paced about. No one answered his calls and he sighed. "That's right, I left those losers behind at the dango shop." he rolled his eyes as he turned away from the younger, walking into the forest behind him.

"Hey wait! I don't know where I am, and if this isn't a genjutsu, then what the hell is going on?" Younger Sasuke said, glaring a hole at the older as he turned back and grunted. He eyed the younger of the two, watching as the younger growled and glared at the floor.

"So this isn't a genjutsu, and you appeared in a gold mist that suddenly popped up in the middle of my training. The answer is there, you've probably been struck with a time jutsu, only this one was tampered with in order to stop it. The idiot that cast it tried to hold it back and stop it. Hn, didn't he know you can't stop a justu like that? The only thing that happens when you try to stop it is sending the one that gets hit into the future, in another universe … idiot." Sasuke murmured, turning away from the younger and walking away.

"WHAT? How the hell do you know that?" Younger Sasuke asked, not getting it at all.

"Hn, its a jutsu I learned in my time with Orochimaru, the only person left alive who knows the damn jutsu is a guy in Amegakure. I'd take you, but … I'm on a mission." Older Sasuke said, a smirk crossing his features as he turned to the younger, an idea forming in his head.

"A mission? What mission?" Sasuke asked, wondering what was with his older self and that evil, perverted smirk.

"Its a high class mission. And I think that only I get to go. Come along mini-me, we're going out hunting." Elder Sasuke said, a perverted glint forming in his eyes as he jumped into the trees. "Watch out dobe, there's two of me now."

Past Naruto!

"What the hell did you do! Where is Sasuke!" Naruto yelled, scaring the crap out of the Amegakure ninja whom cowered in fear inside the trunk of a tree.

"I mistook him for an enemy ninja, so I blasted him with my special jutsu, but it sent him to another future." The ninja said, trying not to get killed by the fuming blonde. Naruto growled and paced the floor, this was not happening!

"I-I think I can help you though!" the ninja said, watching as the blonde halted his step and stared at him, nodding for him to go on. "W-Well … I can teach you the same jutsu and send you to the place where this Sasuke of yours is, then you can bring him back." The ninja said, watching as the blonde's eyes brightened and a glint appeared in them.

"Alright! I get to bring his ass back AND learn a new jutsu, now that's what I call a rescue!" Naruto said with a smirk as the ninja just sighed and went though another set of hand signs.

"Well good for you, but I'm in a hurry. So I'll use a forbidden jutsu. This jutsu allows you to transfer information from one mind, to the next, but it can also cause brain damage when used wrongly." Naruto nodded and tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the guy to go on. The guy sighed and rolled his eyes, why is it that no one found out yet.

"Ok, but first you must remove any and all jutsu already cast on your person." he said as he watched the blonde just stare at him. He sighed and made a "release" changing his appearance from a random Amegakure ninja to the one, the only, Itachi Uchiha.

"NANI?" Naruto yelled as Itachi's hands fell on his mouth.

"Shut it, you'll ruin my cover! I'm undercover for the Hokage, alright? Now just hold still or else you'll make me miss your brain." Itachi whispered as he performed the jutsu. Naruto nodded, but at the last moment he jerked his head to the side as he heard the sound of some rustling and a bright light appeared in the clearing. He stared intently at the place where the rustling happened, only to see a small bunny appear and begin to nibble on a leaf.

"Sorry about that Itachi, it seems that the bunny scared the crap out of me." Naruto said as he turned to Itachi, only to find him no where in sight. "Itachi?"

Itachi opened his eyes as his head pounded. "I thought I told that kid to hold still!" he grumbled as he opened his eyes, only to meet the red eyes of another male inside a shower with no curtain.

"What the hell? I'm taking a shower here and touching myself! I don't need an audience!" The red eyed man yelled, causing Itachi to look down and blush. The man had long red hair, which apparently is natural, and had three fingers buried in his ass.

"I-I'm s-sorry." Itachi said as he quickly got up and began to walk away, only to freeze and widen his eyes. "Wait a minute! I should be in Naruto's head, who the hell are you?" The red haired man raised an eyebrow as he turned to Itachi, smirking as he watched Itachi blush, but glare even more.

"I'm Kyuubi, that's who I am. Who are you?" Itachi gasped and stared at Kyuubi for a second before shrugging and turning away from the red head.

"None of your business." Itachi said as he walked away, internally smirking at the outraged gasp he heard behind him.

"What the hell did you say?" Kyuubi yelled as he jumped on Itachi's back, whom not having been prepared, fell down as Kyuubi turned him around mid-flight. "Tell me who you are!" Itachi raised an eyebrow, but otherwise kept his mouth shut.

Kyuubi glared and clenched his hand around Itachi's neck, watching as the raven haired man just smirked. "I am Itachi Uchiha, elder brother to Sasuke Uchiha, whom your vessle wants to go save. I am here to deliver a jutsu to his central cord and get out, not to get straddled by a naked, angry redhead such as yourself." Itachi said with a smirk as Kyuubi looked down to see that he in fact was straddling the raven and was still naked.

"That was all you had to say, Uchiha." Kyuubi growled, internally smirking when he felt the raven respond to him. "I guess you wanted me to get on top of you, neh?" Itachi blushed and pushed the redhead off of him, quickly slipping out of the bars as the redhead stood up.

Kyuubi smirked, oh he was going to be having fun and company for a long time. He watched as Itachi walked off, headed for the kit's central brain control. Itachi sighed as he pushed the information for the jutsu into the blonde's head.

"Bring my brother back." Itachi said as he walked away from the surprisingly huge brain. Kyuubi smirked as he took his chance, summoning the raven into his cage and on his bed.

"Well, welcome back, I didn't know you wanted me like that." Kyuubi said with a smirk as Itachi blushed and tried to run away, only to be pushed down onto the bed and straddled by the redhead again. "No, no, my raven haired hunk, I want to have some fun with you." Itachi gulped as he pushed himself into the bed, this could not be good.

"NARUTO! … Oh god yes!" Itachi yelled, making the blonde jump from his seat on the branch. He quickly did a mental scan, blushing when he got to Kyuubi's cage.

"Not in a million years will I ever look in there again." he said as he did the jutsu himself, hugely surprised that he could pull off that jutsu without Itachi's help. "Here I come Sasuke, I'm going to bring you back, no matter what." He said as he jumped into the jutsu, quickly closing his eyes as he felt the tug and pull on his body.

With the Sasukes

"Its a high class mission. And I think that only I get to go. Come along mini-me, we're going out hunting." Elder Sasuke said, a perverted glint forming in his eyes as he jumped into the trees. "Watch out dobe, there's two of me now."

"Teme! Stop calling me that!" Naruto yelled as he stomped his foot and pouted, glaring at the older Sasuke as he stared at him.

"Oh … my … god! Your too damn cute!" older Sasuke yelled, giggling like a school girl as he tried to grab the blonde, only to grasp nothing but air as he jumped away from him.

"What the hell! Are you crazy! Where the hell is the smaller one of you, we're going home!" Naruto yelled as he blushed, gasping when he was grabbed from behind and pushed into a tree. He let out a small moan as he bit his lip, staring into the eyes of the Sasuke he knew and hated. "Teme, lets go home now."

Young Sasuke glared at the blonde, pushing his body on the squirming blonde as he stared into the blue eyes. "How the hell did you get here?" Naruto pouted and bit his lip more as the hard bark of the tree behind him ripped up his jacket.

"Forget about that, toss him over here." Older Sasuke said, an unfamiliar glint in his eyes as young Sasuke shrugged and tossed and surprisingly light weight blonde over to his older self. Naruto gulped, feeling like he was in danger in the arms of the elder Sasuke. "Well hello smaller dobe. I never expected you to come along, but now that you did … the mission isn't so important." Sasuke said, a grin appearing on his face and scaring the crap out of Naruto.

"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about! I can't believe Itachi gave me that jutsu only to get into this!" Naruto said as he glared up at the older Sasuke. Older Sasuke just smirked and leaned down, breathing in deeply as Naruto's scent invaded his nostrils.

"Mmm, we'll have to thank my older brother, now won't we?" Sasuke said before he ripped off Naruto's shirt and jacket, leaving the blonde clad only in his pants. Naruto squeaked and stared in fear at the older Sasuke as he began to rain kisses over his neck.

"NO! Please, no … SASUKE! You pervert, I'm a damn boy! Ah, g-g-get him off of meeee! A-Ah … oh. I-it feels s-so goooood! Mmm … w-wait! NO! GET OFF OF ME!" Naruto yelled as younger Sasuke just stared in fascination and horror.

"Now why would I do that, when such a delicious treat such as yourself would most likely run away?" older Sasuke asked as he bit down on the succulent tanned neck below him. Naruto frantically searched his mind for some sort of answer, until he realized something; this Sasuke was a pervert, naturally he would want something naughty in exchange for his freedom. Younger Sasuke watched in fascination as Naruto tried to come up with some sort of answer, he knew the blonde wouldn't, after all he was an idiot, but he was also curious as to what he would do.

"B-Because I-I want to …" young Sasuke watched as Naruto looked down, his older self raising an eyebrow as he stared at the young, delicious blonde under him.

"You want what?" Naruto gulped innocently as he stared into the older Sasuke's eyes, his innocence looking genuine in both Sasuke's eyes as he stared down at his feet.

"I-I want to … to taste you. S-Sakura-Chan showed me this t-trick with a banana and I … I want to try it … on you. Please Sasuke-sama? W-Will y-you let your poor little innocent s-slave suck on y-you?" Naruto asked, his innocence so pure that it made even young Sasuke nosebleed. Naruto watched as two eruptions of blood shot into the air, both Sasuke's being knocked out cold as he stared them down with his most uke-ish of looks, and his most deadly.

Quickly, he ran away, leaving an older Sasuke with an erection, and a young Sasuke with a confused, happy smile. He ran with so much speed, that he actually looked like a yellow-tanned blur in the trees as he ran towards the village, his uke look still in place as he made it to the gates.

"N-Naruto! What happened? You look so young and … oh god!" Genma said as he nosebleeded and fell unconscious. Naruto sighed and rolled his eyes, unknowingly making himself look more adorable.

"I need to get to safetly, and the only place to go is the Hokage cliffs." He whispered as he took off again, leaving behind a long trail of nosebleeding men and women. Quickly he jumped into the Hokage's office, looking around for danger, gasping when he came face to face with …

"Older me! … Does this mean I'll get to be Hokage? YES! I fucking told them all!" Naruto yelled as he happy danced around, unknowingly lap dancing on Neji Hyuuga, whom was sitting in the chair he landed in front of. Neji stared at the taunting ass as it jiggled and jumped in front of him, inevitably giving him a nosebleed of his own, but not rendering him unconscious like the others.

"What is the meaning of this! I call you two into my office and you make a young Naruto clone lap dance Hyuuga?" Tsunade yelled as she entered the room, smirking at the look on Neji's face as he began to pant.

"He's not my clone! And he called me _older me_, so it must be some jutsu of some sort." Young Naruto stiffened as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up; his pervy senses were tingling.

"DAMN! The perverts are back! Run everyone, he's going to attack you with his pervy mouth!" Young Naruto yelled as he jumped out of the window and began to run across the roofs, followed by two Sasukes as they skidded to a stop and began to pursue him.

"DAMN IT! He's back again, and this time he's after some imposter!" Older Naruto whispered from his hiding place behind Neji's back. Tsunade sighed and rolled her eyes, when would this madness stop. She was about to speak when young Naruto came back again, stopping on the tree behind her and being caught by the older Sasuke whom had a perverted sneer on his face.

"Finally caught you, dobe. Thought that by saying you wanted to give me a blow job, getting me to nosebleed and fall unconscious was going to be enough?" he asked, young Sasuke soon appearing beside them, and all three not noticing the three pairs of eyes on them from the Hokage office.

"No! I thought that by doing that, I could at least get away from you! Sasuke, lets go back to our own time, you were brought here by accident, and it's time to go! Hey! Your hand does not go there!" Young Naruto yelled as he glared at older Sasuke.

Older Naruto smirked from behind Neji, that wasn't such a bad idea, give Sasuke the idea that he'd cooperate then watch as he nosebleeded and ultimately fell unconscious. It was something that he should have known to do long ago, how come this kid knew it before he found it?

"Why would I remove my hand?" Older Sasuke asked, watching as the younger blushed and began to squirm. "Mini-me, come over here and secure his hands, he's a feisty one." Older Sasuke said as young Sasuke nodded and began to restrain Naruto; he really didn't want to do it, but he had no choice.

"N-No, please! A-Ah!" Naruto moaned as older Sasuke began to suck on his nipple, making it impossible to fight back. His head fell to the side, falling into young Sasuke's shoulder as he panted into his ear. Quickly he devised a plan as the three pairs of eyes watched with a box of tissues in two of their hands and a horrified look on the third.

"Oh god!" Older Naruto whispered, horrified at the sight and even more horrified at the feeling of arousal building at the pit of his stomach.

"Oh god is right! Real live yaoi! Neji, remind me to pray for this wonderful sight later. Shizune! Call up Kakashi, Genma, Yamato, and the rookie nine plus team Gai! This is an epic even that shouldn't be missed by anyone! Two on one, yes!" Shizune nodded quickly, appearing a minute later with everyone requested as they all gathered around the window, Sai coming in with buckets of popcorn as young Naruto panted into young Sasuke's ear. Older Naruto rolled his eyes as the popcorn was shared and the pizzas were ordered; were these people that cruel as to let a little kid get raped all for the sake of their yaoi?

Young Naruto's eyes snapped open as he came up with an idea as quickly as he found problems. He began to pant louder, his struggles ceasing as he moaned loudly into young Sasuke's ear, making him let go of the blonde. Naruto internally smirked as he wrapped his arms around young Sasuke's neck. "A-Ah S-Sasuke! More, please!" He moaned loudly, his hips bucking into older Sasuke's hips as he let out a loud moan. Older Sasuke smirked, he liked this young Naruto better and better than his old one. He ground his hips into the younger small ones, his hands finding the plump ass as his mouth left mark after mark of little love bites on the tanned chest and neck, smirking as he heard him mewl and groan into his young Sasuke's ear.

"Sasuke! Please, take me. A-ah I want you now!" He screamed as he held on closer to young Sasuke's neck, moaning loudly when young Sasuke bit into his neck. Young Sasuke's eyes widened as he surprised himself by biting into Naruto's neck, but he was even more surprised when he found that he liked the taste of the blonde dobe on his lips. _So this is why my older self wants the blonde, he is just deliciously good._ He moaned and began to help his older in marking the blonde, smirking when young Naruto began to mewl and buck more into him that into his older self.

"Hey now, just share the blonde, its not like he won't like it. After all we're the same person, only difference is that you come from the past, and so does he." older Sasuke said, smirking when the blonde nodded and began to grab onto him.

Older Naruto gasped, so that was where his mini-me came from! He came from the past, and Sasuke was going to fuck him! "Oh hell no!" He growled as he tried to get out from his spot next to the closed part of the window.

Young Naruto smirked, the smirk caught by his elder as he landed his lips on older Sasuke's lips, making him drop the blonde and take a step back, and so did young Sasuke at the feel of the blonde's erection on his own. "Damn, he really wants it." older Sasuke said as the blonde laid there, panting and staring lustfully into his eyes. Both Sasukes felt something and before they could know what it was, they blew up in nosebleeds and fell unconscious, again. Younger Naruto smirked and jumped to his feet, trying to run away, but was grabbed from behind by a big hand.

"Oh Hell No!" Young Naruto cursed as he turned and stared into the eyes of his elder, he was surprised that his elder self was the one to grab him, but he was relieved when he was picked up and carried away on quick feet.

"We need to get away from Konoha and from the Sasukes. I can smell some form of pheramone on you, what did you do?" Elder Naruto said, staring into the eyes of his younger.

"I think I can answer that." Came a deep baritone from in front of them. Older Naruto skidded to a stop as he came face to face with Itachi Uchiha. Younger Naruto smiled and jumped out of the arms of his older self to glomp the very surprised and not even amused Uchiha. He knew that it was the Itachi from his time because the sounds of moaning stopped sounding in his head, so obviously, Itachi had gotten out of his head.

"ITACHI! What happened to you? There was an explosion and then I turned around and you were gone! You were doing that jutsu on me, but then you disappeared! I-I-I was worried!" Young Naruto said, small tears in his eyes as he buried himself into the stoic Uchiha's neck. To say Itachi was surprised was the understatement of the year, but since there is no word to describe him at the moment, well … it'll have to do.

"What are you talking about jinchuuriki? I am here to capture you!" The Uchiha said, pushing away the teary-eyed blonde and instantly regretting it. Naruto pouted and glared at the older Uchiha, making Itachi wish he didn't do that, the blonde should be happy not angry.

"Itachi Uchiha! You are undercover for the Hokage, and you are working on S-rank missions for Konoha when you can! You told me that yourself, and now you act like that to me! Well you know something? I won't talk to you either! But first …" Naruto went through the hand signs that Itachi used when he was going to go into his head, but instead of taping his heart, he tapped the stunned Uchiha's own heart and aimed the jutsu at himself, if Itachi was going to be that way, then he would remain trapped in his head at the very least!

But instead of heading for young Naruto's head, Itachi was sucked into older Naruto's head. "What the hell just happened?" older Naruto yelled as he made a mental scan, he heard growling, fighting, splashing of water, and then … moaning? Oh hell no!

"I guess my Itachi is still inside my head. Tell me, do you hear moaning when you do your mental scan?" Young Naruto asked as he stared at his older self, suddenly there was a smell in the air, a fruity and flowery scent that was intoxicating as well as bearable to him.

"Never in a million years, am I going to ever scan inside that cage again!" Older Naruto yelled as he tried to will away his blush.

"You smell of fruits and flowers now! Is that the pheramone you've been smelling on me?" Young Naruto asked as he began to walk, since both Sauskes haven't gone after them, it was safe to assume they were still in the village.

"Yeah, I guess it means Kyuubi is mating because now I just cannot hear myself think without a moan to accompany the thought." Older Naruto said with a sigh as he watched young Naruto shiver. "Hey, mini-me? Where are your clothes?" one look and the older knew what happened to everything he saw on the younger blonde, or lack there of. He sighed as he took off his jacket and handed it over to the younger, smiling when the big jacket slipped off a smooth tanned shoulder.

"Where are we going?" young Naruto asked as he followed after the older him to a strange part of the forest, where the trees themselves held chakra and a strange chakra flux could be sensed further ahead of them.

"We're entering the biiju forest. Kyuubi showed it to me about a year ago when Sasuke started this all. He said that if I ever needed to hide, the forest would appear and swallow me up, as if I'd left the world altogether, and in a way, we have. We're actually inside the biiju world, where Kyuubi rules over all other demons. It'll only appear if I'm in distress, in need of it, or if Kyuubi is mating, now it opened because of all three of them. Now come on, we need to get to the sacred lake, only when we're there can Kyuubi come out, so we'll give him some space with Itachi." Young Naruto nodded as he followed after the older of the two, diving into the lake as a bright red light consumed them both.

Two heads popped up out of the surface of the water, both blonde with blue eyes and whisker marks on their cheeks, followed by two long haired redheads, and two long haired raven heads. "Whoa! It's weird seeing two of everything, but then again that is redundant coming from a guy who uses clones in his attacks." Older Naruto said, laughing with young Naruto as the two Kyuubis chuckled and the two Itachis just smirked.

"That's such a nice observation kit, is Sasuke chasing you again?" the older Kyuubi asked, the only thing distinguishing him from his younger was the small red kanji for "king" on his chest over a red crystal, chakra necklace like Naruto's.

"Yeah, and this time he tried to get my mini-me! You should have seen how he and his own mini-me ravished him, he was almost raped and all Tsunade-Obaachan did was stare, get everyone to come and watch, and eat popcorn! And Sakura-Chan had a video recorder on her!" Older Naruto said as he and young Naruto both blushed, not only did the younger of the two enjoy it, he loved it, but the elder was starting to get thoughts of letting Sasuke ravish him. His younger looked like he was having fun, and he never did stop struggling enough himself to figure out if it felt great or not, he was only concerned in getting out out of it.

"Well that's nice and all, but right now, I need to enjoy my freedom, and my free fuck, have fun!" Kyuubi said with a smirk, how come both blondes could not see or feel the possessive ravens behind them, or the fact that both Itachi's were slowly trying to get away from them.

Young Naruto lunged and hugged young Itachi as he tried to make his get away. "Bye, bye, Itachi-niisan! I'll see you later, and by the way, I know you are a good person, so why don't you just explain to your little brother that you're innocent?" young Naruto asked with puppy dog eyes, oblivious to the spark in dangerous possessiveness behind him, Itachi's life depended on getting away from the blonde, but the blonde was determined to end him! He thought only Sasuke wanted to see him die, not the adorable blonde! Damn the adorableness that was Naruto, damn him and his obliviousness, damn his cute ass! And damn him for carrying Kyuubi, wait, never mind … praise him for that, because if he didn't, then he wouldn't be fucking a nice piece of ass soon.

"Kit, leave my mate alone! Unless you want me to rip some limbs off, I'd suggest you leave him be." young Kyuubi growled as he followed his older's lead and grabbed Itachi before making a run for it, leaving both oblivious blondes to stare as they swam away.

"Hey mini-me! Want to go play in the Sacred Sakura trees?" Older Naruto asked as he stripped himself of all clothing, they were wet and those trees snagged on wet clothing, besides it got uncomfortable to climb trees in wet clothing. Young Naruto nodded and followed older Naruto's lead, his clothes being shed as he ran out of the lake.

Both Sasukes growled possessively, they were ready, and this time, there would be no running away, they were going to fuck and claim, and no demons, older brothers, or scared blondes were going to stop them! They took off their clothes, both smirking as they watched their deliciously tanned blondes run off naked to the trees, what could have been better?

The Narutos both laughed as they jumped into the branches of the glowing Sakura trees, the surprisingly soft trees proving to be a good place to go to while naked. They played around, both stumbling and jumping around as they played tag and war, both games impossible to play alone, if you were anyone but Naruto Uzumaki, and they were both Naruto Uzumaki, both clone experts.

Slowly they landed on their backs, staring up at the glittering night sky as their heart rates slowed and the two raven haired predators stalked their prey. "Hey mini-me, how did it feel?" Older Naruto asked, making both ravens stop and young Naruto stare at him. "How did it feel to … to be pleasured by Sasuke? I've always wanted to know how it felt, why me, and … if I would like it." Older Naruto murmured, watching as young Naruto just smiled and sighed, turning on his side and running his finger over the sculpted muscle of older Naruto's stomach.

"Well … I don't really know the answer to the last two questions, but … I know that it felt wonderful, it felt wonderful because it was Sasuke, you know? In the past, well … there was an incident with Ino, and … she touched me like Sasuke did, but I guess you already know that, you are me after all." older Naruto smirked and nodded, ah the Ino incident, it was something that made him sick and still does. Both Sasukes growled, making a mental note to do unspeakable things to the blonde woman when they got back.

"Well … remember how disgusted we were? I never knew that something like that would be as disgusting as it was, I felt so damn sick for so long! And I guess that's why you don't want to let older Sasuke touch you, huh?" Older Naruto nodded, turning away from the blue eyes of his younger and staring up at the stars.

"I still feel his touch on my skin, forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why, without him … it'll be hard to survive. And well, every time we touched, I felt this feeling, and when we kissed I'm sure I almost reached the sky. True, because of Ino, I felt so sick, but thinking about it … Sasuke has been there in the good and the bad times, he stuck with me, and every time I touched him, I felt estatic, every time we bumped arms, I had this feeling. And thinking about it at the moment I was trapped against the tree, I knew that I needed him." Young Naruto whispered, smiling up at older Naruto as he stared down at his junior.

"You're right, you're right about everything! Every time I was trapped in Sasuke's arms when he went fuck-crazy, I felt safe, wanted, loved even. But still … I'm scared because I know I will be the bitch, I will be the one who would be underneath him, and I'm scared of the pain." Older Naruto said, sighing and laying back down. Young Naruto purged his lips and thought about the problem, because not only was his older self scared, but so was he because it seemed … Uchihas were gifted by the gods, and I mean they packed HEAT. (Lolz on that! xD)

Suddenly, an idea came into his mind and he smiled, pulling older Naruto by the wrist to a huge Sakura tree that he saw has scented slime on it, he guessed it was the sap or something, but it smelt great and it was slimy. "I have an idea, if we try it now with out fingers, we should be able to find out if we want it! So what do you say?"

Older Naruto thought about what his mini-me was saying, he had a point though, if he tried it now and didn't like it, he didn't have to give himself to Sasuke and risk rape when he said he didn't want it. He nodded and smiled, sitting down beside the small sap fountain the tree naturally made as his mini-me began lathering both their hands in sap.

"Well alright! Sakura-Chan's yaoi books always show the guys lathering up the hole, so I guess we should do that!" Young Naruto said as he lifted his bent knees and laid back, his older self joining him after a bit of hesitation. They laid there, willing the other to go first until, at last, older Naruto took in a big gulp of air and began to rim his own ring, moaning softly at the pleasure that came from that.

"I-ah-I didn't know t-that I was t-that sensitive t-there … ah! … there." he moaned out loudly, both blondes not noticing as their raven haired stalkers groaned at the sight and began rubbing themselves, watching as both blondes began to thrust their hips back.

"N-Neither did … did I!" young Naruto said, biting his lip as his other hand clenched around the grass in its grasp. Older Naruto gasped as he accidentally let a finger go in, groaning in discomfort as he moved it around. "I-I guess you went ahead o-of m-ah-me." young Naruto said, whimpering when his own finger went in. both blondes stopped their thrusting, moaning slightly when their lone fingers went in, to the knuckle, and pulled back out, to the tip, until they both had a rythym they enjoyed.

Both Sasukes watched in lustfilled fascination as the blondes added their other fingers, both whimpering and mewling as they thrust against their fingers, the discomfort completely forgotten as their fingers accidentally brushed against their prostates and made them see white. "Oh god, remind me later to go pray for this fortunate sight!" Older Sasuke whispered as his mini-me nodded absently, watching as his Naruto began to thrust even more vigorously against his now three fingers.

"Oh god! How is it that something this good has been denied to me by me myself!" older Naruto yelled as he got up on his knees and began to ride his fingers, his legs moving him up and down on the moving fingers, the three of them giving him more pleasure than he could imagine.

"Fuck!" Older Sasuke growled as he watched his tanned treat give him a show without even knowing it. Young Naruto moved to his hands and knees, his only hand giving in as soon as he did as he thrust his hips onto his fingers, moving in sync with it as it moved in and out, faster and faster.

"Ngh! S-Sasuke! … ha-ah! Oh god, what I would give to have you here at the moment!" Older Naruto yelled out, not caring about anything else as he let a frustrated growl rip from his throat. He pulled his fingers out, forming the hand sign for his clones as he watched two of them pop out. They nodded, understanding the silent command from their owner as one of them went behind their owner's mini-me and the other went behind older Naruto himself. Both blondes moaned loudly when the clones thrust in without care, instantly hitting the prostates and making the intense pain fade quickly away as the blonde originals thrust behind themselves.

Both Sasukes growled in anger as they watched the clones fuck their Narutos, how dare they do that! HOW DARE THEY! Both Sasukes thought in unison as they walked out from behind the trees and headed over to the moaning mess of blonde. Quickly, with a flick of a wrist, they killed off the clones, watching in satisfaction as they poofed away and their blondes moaned in dismay.

"PLEASE! Come back, please!" young Naruto moaned, gasping when he was lifted and hugged into a firm chest. He moaned loudly when young Sasuke's cock rammed deep into him, hitting his prostate and not giving him a chance to breathe as it began to move vigorously.

"Happy, dobe?" young Sasuke asked as his elder rammed into the elder Naruto, both so close, yet so damn far away from him and his Naruto. Young Naruto gasped, his hands clutching at Sasuke's hands as Sasuke mercilessly pounded into his abused hole, relishing in the tightness of the passage constricting his cock. Young Naruto moaned louder, the pleasure doubling at the realization that it was Sasuke whom was bringing him this pleasure. Sasuke smirked, his cock enjoying the feeling of the blonde clenching his inner muscles around him.

"Yesssss! God yes, Sasuke. Never leave me, never ever leave me. Please Sasuke, I need you, I need you close to me, fucking me, loving me, having me! I'm yours Sasuke, and if you ever make me resort to clones again, you won't find me at home ever again!" Naruto yelled, his older moaning in agreement when he yelled it out to the world. Sasuke groaned, that was what he wanted to hear, to know that his dobe was his, forever his, eternally inside and out, his! His pace doubled as he vigorously pounded into his blonde heaven.

Older Naruto moaned as his Sasuke began to nibble on his ears, his pace set slow and sweet as he hugged his blonde close. "Listen to me, love. I love you, and I'll always be there for you. No matter where I am, you are the guy that I want." older Sasuke whispered, watching as his younger pulled out and turned his blonde over, his lips capturing the young blonde's own lips as he entered his blonde lover again. Older Sasuke smirked as he lifted himself up, staring into the eyes of his lover. Older Naruto moaned and nodded, his head too hazy to form the words he wanted. Both Sasukes leaned down again, their lips settling on the blondes under them as their climaxes all took them by surprised, one by one they came, each in a glorious love filled kiss as they moaned into the kiss.

They broke the kiss soon after, smiling to their lovers as they laid down side by side, their eyes closing as their pleasure high weighed them down. The last thing the younger of the couples saw, was a bright golden light encasing them as they fell asleep.

In their Rightful time

The sun shone brightly in the sky, the warmth that it gave their bodies was something that made them all smile as one by one they woke up, Naruto in Sasuke's arms and Kyuubi and Itachi's. Wait! What? Naruto and Kyuubi both jumped at the same time, staring at each other in fear and astonishment as they took a look around.

"Kyuu, is this happening for real? Are you really outside?" Naruto asked as he concentrated chakra to his seal to verify that indeed, Kyuubi was housed inside him, and yet he was outside. Kyuubi took on a pensive look as he thought about it for a moment.

"We were supposed to jump back into the lake before dawn so that I could go back inside, no one has ever not done that before in the history of ever, so I guess we never knew this would happen. The biiju forest disappears during the day, but comes alive in the light of the moon. I guess I'm stuck out here until night falls." Kyuubi said with a smile as Itachi wrapped his arms around him.

"Well I'm sure as hell glad about that, now I can enjoy your sexy body in the light of day as well." Itachi whispered as Sasuke and Naruto both rolled their eyes and walked away, but not before something else weird happened. Ino came in running, cat tail and ears on her naked body as she was chased by Neji, Shikamaru, and Sakura.

"Come back here and pick someone!" Neji snarled out, his eyes burning with the Byakugan as he stared at the shapely body that was Ino.

"Troublesome. Just get over here and fuck with me so that we can get this over with." Shikamaru yelled, raising an eyebrow at Sasuke and Naruto's lack of clothing and the hickeys covering Naruto's body. "Bout time Sasuke."

"Ino! Run, run for your life! Neji, quit using your Byakugan! Shikamaru, if you even try to use that god damn jutsu you'll get a face full of chakra fist! Who the fuck touched my ass? SHINO!" Sakura yelled as a tirade of bugs came at them all, all headed for Ino.

What the fuck? … End? o. o?

Me: Well! I'm done but you know something? … I confused myself! XD

Naruto: You're not the only one, but it was good :D

Sasuke: I don't care about the rest, what I care about is MY dobe! And if that mother fucking clone goes anywhere near your ass again, it will be sorry!

Clone: testing … testing, er hello?

Me: And now its time for our guest star to appear, what are your problems Mr. Clone? :3?

Clone: I had no CHOICE! If you want to kill someone, kill the boss! Thank you and have a nice day.

Sasuke: o.o? I have no commentary on that, Naruto?

Naruto: Adda boy clone! You tell that teme off good! :'D I'm so proud of you.

Me: Well that's all for today, and remember, this is only one one-shot for this collection of tales from … The Sasuke Zone! -cue twilight zone theme music-

Minato and Tobi: READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! :D

Me: Once again, this isn't a story, just a collection of one-shots that all tie together but can be read alone! XD my next one-shot after this one is … The Unknown Twin -cue twilight zone theme music- lolz xD


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